Things I Have Learned

I didn't write a blog last weekend. No doubt you were wondering if there was a good reason for this glaring omission. You may rest at ease. There was. I was at a church retreat (I would like to say here that I have always disliked the term "church retreat." Are we really that defeatist?) No, no--I did not go to the "True Love" singles retreat ("Singles retreat" is an acceptable term). Some of you are wondering why I wasn't at this particular retreat. I am asking this same question. A better question, though, is why anyone else went when they knew I wouldn't be there. Rumor has it that this annual event is one of the better singles retreats to be found anywhere. Supposedly, on the opening day the sheep are separated from the goats, and neither group gets the first sniff of their counterparts until a dinner on the last day. In the intervening time, each group is told how to talk to that freakish sort of person respectively called either a male or female. This most likely leads in the end to five minutes worth of recitations over dinner followed by thirty minutes of either awkward silence or repetitions of the same memorized conversations over and over again. I have always gravitated towards the awkward silence myself, being partial to silence in the presence of strange beings.

I myself was at a retreat for foreign members of the church I attend. The church decided that they were tired of being offended routinely by foreigners who are oblivious to Taiwanese customs, so they kindly put on a retreat to show us how to understand Taiwanese culture and live therein. One important thing I learned at the retreat is that Asians are not a minority here. That explains why I have seen so many of them since arriving in Taiwan.

This might be a good place to share another aspect of Asian culture that I learned not long after arriving here. Asian people are without exception twice as old as they look. You often hear of sweet, old Japanese ladies living to be 115 years old. I have always been slightly skeptical of such stories. Now I know that they are utter nonsense. That sweet old lady was actually 230 years old. At some point in her life people just gave up counting and started going by how old she looked compared to people of other cultures. Some people have suffered great consternation over the prodigious life spans of some people recorded in Genesis. It is not a problem for me at all. They were Asian. Methuselah probably looked about 23 when he went left the earth.

This cultural difference has cause me some some difficulty, though. I have at times treated my elders like children.

Me: Well hello there, cute child! How are you this fine morning? Did you just get out of school?

"Cute child": Yes, I did just get out of school.

Me: I'll bet you sang the ABC song today. You probably know it so well by now!

"Cute child": I sure as heck hope I do. I have been teaching it for the last 20 years.

Me: Of course you have! I knew that! Can you teach it to me sometime?

I now assume that every person I meet, no matter how young they look, has made his or her way around the sun at least 45 times. This has led to some attempts at profound conversations with newborns, but at least they aren't offended.

I will end this blog with a book recommendation for anyone who may be interested. I think I feel guilty for presenting page after page of poor reading material, and therefore am obliged to suggest something better. This book is nothing like my blog. It is called Liturgical Theology by Simon Chan. It is the best contemporary Christian book I have read for some time. It maybe a little bit of work for some of you, but it is worth it, even if you wind up disagreeing with it. If you wind up getting it, don't give up in the first few chapters, which are probably more difficult. Make your way to the end. I like it because it is a good step towards many of the things I have been thinking about and working on over the past few years. I send this out in my blog, so that I don't have to recommend it to too many people individually. It also saves all of you from having to lie by saying, "Why that sounds great, T.J. I think I will run out and get it now!", whenever I see you next.